You are not alone
by mucwriter
Summary: Georg von Trapp had found love again and was happily awaiting his wedding to Maria. But a very special day brought back all the grief he thought he had worked through.


Maria was frantic. She'd been looking for Georg all day. Literally. There was no knock on her door early in the morning when he would come to see his fiancée for a few undisturbed minutes, ever since their life-changing night in the gazebo. Her Captain wasn't sitting in his usual chair at breakfast nor did he appear any time after. Nobody in the villa seemed to know where he had disappeared to.

Once Gretl jumped into her bed and Maria had realized that she had slept a lot longer than in the last couple of weeks, when she was so delightfully woken up with a fresh cup of tea and some increasingly passionate kisses, she thought that maybe George wasn't feeling well. But after getting the little ones ready for breakfast, she peeked into the master bedroom, ready to help her fiancé in any way she could. But – no Captain. The bed was made. In fact, it looked as if he never slept in it last night.

On she went to his study, his sanctuary. But there was no sign of Georg there either. Breakfast came and went, and she herded the children to the classroom. Although they managed to get through their lessons, Maria's heart wasn't in teaching them today and she was glad that it was a beautiful winter day with some sunshine, even if it was early February. The fifth of the month, to be exact. She asked Liesl to take her siblings outside – but Liesl's mind seemed to be somewhere else. "Rolf", Maria thought.

She wasn't sure what the current status of Liesl's relationship with the telegram deliverer was, they simply hadn't found the time to talk about the state of affairs in the last couple of days. Maria was preoccupied with all the wedding preparations, with the children, the chaperones in the villa – and with her husband to be. It was an exciting time, but also exhausting for the former postulant.

And now Georg had disappeared.

Maria asked Friedrich instead of Liesl to take care of his brothers and sisters, to make sure they were bundled up for the cold weather. The oldest von Trapp boy was more than willing to help his mother out, for that was how he thought of Maria. And he was a very caring young man, making sure that everybody wore their hats, gloves and scarves around their necks. After all, a cold spell had come over the mountains and brought freezing temperatures to Salzburg. Friedrich took Marta and Gretl by the hand, and the six children made their way through the mud room into the gardens and the snow.

Now Maria stood there, in the middle of the classroom. All alone. And worried about Georg. She hadn't heard his quick footsteps anywhere today. But she hadn't heard his car leaving either. That meant that he had to be on the grounds. At least she thought so. She ran her hands through her short hair and tried to think, figure out where he might be.

Maria decided that a short walk outside might do her some good, in the crisp air of early February. She also went to the mudroom and put on some sturdy boots and her new woolen coat. The warmth it gave her was nothing compared to the feeling of being in her Captain's arms. But it was the warmest, prettiest and most comfortable coat she had ever owned. Georg had made sure that she had everything she needed - and then some - in her wardrobe nowadays. Everything of the finest quality and craftsmanship, but with simple designs that made Maria feel comfortable - and pretty. She also donned her knit head, matching mittens and scarf.

As she opened the door of the mudroom, she was happy to see the sun was still out, even though the temperatures were freezing cold and there was a thick layer of snow everywhere. The atmosphere was quite romantic, and Maria remembered how she and Georg had taken a few short strolls out in this winter wonderland, after the children went to bed at night. And every time they ventured out into the cold night, they would end up snuggled up together on the sofa in his study, relaxing in front of the fire. And their chaperones were none the wiser, because they were all in bed by this time of night.

She started to walk briskly through the expansive gardens, starting at the old boathouse. Along the shore of the frozen lake she went, always keeping an eye out for the children and the man she loved with all her heart. Her thoughts kept running around and around in her head. Where could Georg be? Had she missed something in the last couple of days? She knew it was not the anniversary of Agathe's death. That was in early September.

Maria, Georg and the children had gone to visit the grave of Agathe Whitehead von Trapp on that particular day. It was difficult, especially for Georg who had never taken the children to the cemetery. But it was also something that they all needed, as a family. When they returned, they had tea and scones and sandwiches in remembrance of their mother and her English roots and shared stories about her. And they vowed that this would be how they'd honour this difficult day every year in the future.

Georg himself had come to Maria with the idea for the visit to the cemetery. He wanted to know what his fiancée though about this, and if she was comfortable accompanying them. Maria was happy to and told him so, taking his hands tenderly in hers. "Georg, I know how difficult this day still is for you. I think it is very important to know all they can about their mother. And they need to hear it from you, because you were the one who knew Agathe best. The children are part of you two, each of them in their own way." And so the day came when all nine of them went to her gravesite, Georg with some trepidation.

But in the end, it wasn't as bad as he had feared. In fact, it was healing to talk about Agathe, about their life with the children that the younger ones couldn't remember. They talked and talked, relocating to the cozier drawing room, and Georg fetched the few photographs that he had. They held even more stories, and it was rather late when the children made their way to their rooms, tired but happy.

Maria had fond memories of that day almost half a year ago. It showed her that Georg was indeed healing and made every effort to reconnect with his children. While she was walking around, she suddenly knew he was near. She could smell him faintly, his cologne, his waxed outdoor jacket and just him. She walked around some of the hedges in that small patch in the garden where there were plenty of old English rose varieties, now covered to protect the stems from the cold. Maria had loved this little spot ever since she came to the von Trapp household, especially when the sun shone brightly in the summer and one could smell the roses from far away.

Liesl had explained to her governess that this rose garden was her father's gift to her mother for their tenth wedding anniversary. "She missed the big gardens of her homeland, and father brought a little rose garden to her." Maria had tears in her eyes, hearing this sentimental and, yes, romantic story about the employer who, at this time, she still had trouble understanding. He was getting closer to his children with every day that passed, but there were still times when he was the cold fish with the strict rules.

And now here he was. Sitting on one of the stone benches, all alone and hunched over. He was lost in thought, and she could see faint traces of tears on his cheeks. Maria, glad that she had found her Captain, didn't want to intrude and turned to leave him alone with his thoughts. She knew now he was safe, and that was all that mattered to her. If he wanted to talk about what caused him so much distress, he would. In his own time. But Georg had sensed that he wasn't alone any more in this cold place, he had seen her approach even though he was so deep in thought.

As Maria turned to leave, Georg began to speak quietly. "Today was her name day. Her patron saint, Agathe's traditional birthday. When we first started seeing each other, she wanted to convert to Catholicism. For me. Because I was catholic. But it never mattered to me much, the church and the priests and the saints. I was Catholic because I was brought up that way, not because I had a particularly close connection to God or any other deity. But she wanted to live here in Austria and raise our children here. And she wanted to make sure that she fit in with the people here in Salzburg. Who are mostly catholic, as you very well know."

Maria stopped in her retreat, listening to him talking about his late wife. "February 5, that's her name day. The day in the year we threw a party as it is custom in Catholicism. Birthdays were acknowledged, but never celebrated, but the name days, also of each of the children and myself. She insisted." Georg stopped talking. Rubbing his face with his hands, Maria saw that his shoulders began to shake.

She stepped closer to him, not sure if her presence was welcome. But when he felt her warmth there beside him, he turned to her, pulled her down toward him and hugged her tightly. "Maria, I'm sorry. I don't know why this day is so difficult", he said in a hoarse voice. His eyes were red and he looked haggard out here in the wintery cold.

"Georg, my darling, there's nothing to be sorry about", she soothed, gently stroking his ice-cold face. Maria was never very good with the variety of name days. Hers was September 12, and of course that was what was acknowledged at Nonnberg Abbey as well. But there weren't any real celebrations anyway, and she couldn't even remember if her parents celebrated birthdays or name days. Her uncle certainly never cared. "She was such an important part of your life, of almost all your adult life. She is the mother of your children. And you have never really grieved for her, have you?"

He shook his head and buried his face in her wool-covered chest, letting his tears out. Maria did her best to comfort him, this formidable man who hardly ever showed any weakness to the world. But in the last couple of weeks she had learned that he was not only a passionate man, but also a man whose feelings ran very deep. His arms were around her and his shoulders were shaking violently as he gave in to all the feelings that he had mostly suppressed or drowned in alcohol since Agathes death. Maria ran her fingers through his hair in a calming caress, but his tears wouldn't subside.

All of a sudden, she shivered violently in his arms. Although she wore warm boots, a thick coat and a scarf, the cold had crept up to her, being outside for so long. Georg was startled out of his crying spell and pulled her even closer to him, starting to rub her arms and back. Maria started to apologize, she had never meant for this to happen, but Georg just shook his head.

"You are cold", he said, looking at her tenderly through his tears and getting up from the bench. "Come on."

Before Maria had time to say anything, he led her around the little garden the way he had come and to a side entrance of the villa that she had never seen before. They took off their shoes and outerwear and made their way up a small spiral staircase. At the top, there was a heavy wooden door that led to the most beautiful room Maria had ever seen. She tried not to gasp or stare, but she wasn't sure if she was successful or not.

A large sofa dominated the room, a pale yellow with a beautiful pattern of roses. The walls were lined with bookshelves that also held photographs, mementos and sheet music. A violin case sat on a low shelf. But the most beautiful was the view, the light. There was an entire wall made of windows that looked over the lake and into the mountains.

Maria turned around to find Georg crouched in front of the fireplace, striking a match and starting a warm fire. It wasn't cold in the room as the suns' rays were warming it up quite nicely. But Maria and especially Georg were still cold after being in the February air for a long time.

"This was Agathe's room, her own sanctuary. She would come here to have some quite time to herself, to read or write letters to her friends and family", Georg offered. Maria felt honoured that he had brought her here. She went to him and caressed his cheeks that were starting to warm up. "Thank you for showing it to me", she said.

"Maria, you have helped me and the children so much. You've encouraged me countless times to talk to them, to just be with them. To speak about their mother, share stories of our life together. I always thought it would be easier to let that all rest in the past, with her. But it turns out that forgetting is not an option." He looked at his fiancée with sad eyes, tears brimming once again in them. Still, he tried to smile at her.

"You made me realize that it is actually much easier to talk about her, talk about all the good times we had together. To share them with the children, so they can know their mother better, even though they will never see her again. That brought me a lot of comfort in the last couple of months."

He held out his hands to her and she took them immediately in hers. Like always, she was amazed how warm his hands were, even after he'd been out in the cold for so long.

"My god Maria, you are still cold", he exclaimed when he gripped her fingers and pulled her into a warm embrace.

They sat down on the sofa, very close to each other. Georg took hold of one of her still icy feet. "That won't do", he murmured and stood back up to retrieve a warm woollen blanket from one of the drawers. He tightened it securely around Maria and started rubbing her feet that he had placed in his lap.

Maria sighed in contentment as she felt her circulation come back. In fact, she was getting warmer by the minute. Georg kept massaging her feet while the fire crackled away in the hearth. "I don't know why everything came back like a large wave today", he said. "After we've said good-night last evening, I went to my room and got ready for bed. But I felt so restless, so sad all of a sudden. Of course I knew what day it was, and the memories came back like a jumbled mess. I couldn't stop thinking, remembering."

Maria leaned forward and stroked his cheek tenderly, looking at him with concern. He continued: "I tried taking a bath, but the restlessness persisted. I bundled up and took a walk outside. I went to the music room and then came up here. When the sun started to rise, I realize I hadn't slept at all tonight, but I was still agitated. That's why I never showed up for breakfast. I took another walk and ended up in her rose garden, where the tears finally came."

"Oh, my darling", Maria sighed. "I was so worried about you when I couldn't find you anywhere. I had no idea that it was her name day today, I could never remember all the name days", she said with a shrug and a self-depreciating grin that said, "what a great nun I would have made". She told him that she'd looked everywhere for him, nobody seemed to know where he was. "And when I couldn't stand it anymore to be in the house, I came outside for a walk, thinking about our strolls at night."

They smiled at each other, thinking about how right it felt to be with their partner. "And all of a sudden, I knew that you were near, I could feel it", she admitted.

"I'm so glad you found me out there", Georg said, trying to hide a yawn.

"Schatz, you are tired", Maria said. She stood up from the sofa and motioned for him to lay down on the pillow she had laid out for him. All of a sudden, he felt so tired but also as if a weight had been lifted. Finally he felt like he could lay Agathe to rest once and for all, and could just hold on to all the good memories they've made in their almost twenty years together.

Maria put the blanket over him and made sure he was comfortable. Even though his eyes started drooping, he took her hands in his and look deeply into her eyes. "Thank you, my darling. I feel like a I can finally go forward from here without any baggage. Thank you for being patient with me."

While Maria had prepared the sofa for him, Georg had slowly taken off his wedding ring, a symbol of the love between Agathe and him. He now put it into Maria's hands and asked her to bring it into his bedroom later, so he could keep it should one of the children want to have it when they got married.

Now Maria had tears in her eyes. "Georg, I love you so much. I have no words to describe what you mean to me and what today meant to me." She kissed him on the forehead tenderly. "Now, sleep for a little while and then I come to wake you up before dinner. I think we have a few stories to share with the children tonight, don't you?"

"Yes, my love", Georg murmured sleepily. When Maria started to hum "Edelweiss" to him quietly, he had already fallen into a deep, undisturbed sleep. With a last look at him, she walked to the window and watched the winter sun at the horizon. She felt secure in their love and she felt humbled that this formidable man showed weakness in her presence. She didn't know what the future held for them, but she knew that they would always be each other's rock.

Maria turned and looked at him once more before leaving this beautiful in search of the children. Their children. She vowed to make sure that they'd never forget their birth mother.

xxx-xxx-xxx

Hello again! I started working on this story a long time ago and recently thought about it. And today happens to be February 5, so I thought I just put it out there. And it's true - for all those who were very catholic in this area, they never cared about a birthday, "Namenstag" was the more important day to celebrate.


End file.
